


Earth Sayings

by lindenrosetps



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Chekov and Scotty are agents of chaos, Fluff, Gen, Humor, bordering on crack, follow-up to Friday's Child, if that isn't a tag it is now, nevermind just checked it's sheer crack, no betas we die like redshirts, why does Jim let them hang out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindenrosetps/pseuds/lindenrosetps
Summary: When Chekov and Scotty are bored in the infirmary, they have to pass the time somehow. What better time is there to feed Spock some misinformation about a certain Earth expression?
Relationships: Pavel Chekov & Montgomery "Scotty" Scott
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Earth Sayings

Bones could feel a headache coming on. He groaned, running a hand through his hair and glaring down at the battered Ensign lying on one of his beds. Chekov had a black eye, a bloody nose, and one of his arms was in a sling. Scotty was in the next bed over and in no better condition. "Mr. Chekov. What exactly happened?"

"Well, you see…" Chekov smiled sheepishly, the picture of innocence in spite of his bruised and bloody face. "I was on shore leave, and… ze other one started it, I swear."

"Alright, we'll do it that way." Bones turned to Scotty. "Mr. Scott. What happened?"

"Well…" Scotty shifted, looking away. "I mean, the lad's right, we really weren't the ones that started it…"

"Are you or are you not going to tell me what happened?" Bones arched an eyebrow. "Or do I have to call the Captain down here?"

"Ayy… zey insulted Russia!" blurted Chekov. "Zey said zat Russians are all swine and should hef been destroyed in ze cold war!"

"An' they said the Enterprise was a barely functional floatin' barn!" added Scotty. "Doctor McCoy, there's only so much that a man can stand!"

Bones resisted the urge to facepalm. "You two do realize that you nearly caused a huge interstellar incident down there?"

"Zey started it," grumbled Chekov.

"I cannae just stan' there and let them insult my ship!" protested Scotty. "Can we go now? I've got some work te catch up on."

"Oh, no," said Bones. "You two are staying right here until I say you can leave, and that is not until you've both cooled down and learned your lesson. A few days in the sick bay ought to help with that."

Chekov's eyes widened. "A few days? But… but…"

"No buts!" Bones glared at them. "And if you complain too much, I'll make it a week."

"Fine." Chekov settled down in bed and glared back at him. He started to cross his arms, then gave a hiss of pain and muttered something in Russian.

"And don't move that arm!"

The doors to the sickbay slid open and Spock appeared in them, as inscrutable as ever. Bones suppressed a groan. Apparently dealing with Chekov and Scotty wasn't enough. Now he had the Vulcan as well. "Mr. Spock?" He somehow managed to twist his face into a smile. "What can I do for you?"

"If you recall a few weeks ago, we were stranded on that planet and you had to help the former chief's wife deliver a child."

Bones' eyebrows shot up. "I remember it all too well, Mr. Spock."

"You were using a curious bit of earth dialect when talking to the infant," Spock continued. "Oochie woochie coochie coo, if I recall."

Chekov gave a snort of laughter in the background and Bones barely stopped himself from smiling. "Yes, so I did. What about it?"

"The Captain said that I should consult the linguistics banks if I was curious," said Spock. "I did so and found nothing, so it was only logical to consult you next."

Now Bones was grinning. "Did you say you were _curious_ , Spock? Isn't that a human emotion?"

"I am intellectually intrigued, Doctor. Nothing more."

"You're curious."

"This is most illogical, Doctor. I would appreciate it if you would merely give me the information."

"Well, you see," Chekov piped up, "it comes from…"

Scotty silenced Chekov with a look and broke in. "What the lad means, sir, is that it's an old human custom. Ye say oochie woochie coochie coo when ye're tryin' te say that ye're proud o' someone. McCoy here was proud o' the wee bairn fer pullin' through such a difficult birth."

"It's wery high praise," added Chekov. "I just hope someone says it to me one day."

"I fail to see the logic in this. Why congratulate a child who had nothing to do with his birth?"

Bones gave them a pointed look, then had to hide a grin. "You wouldn't know anything about pride, it's too human for you. Well, there you have it, Mr. Spock. Is your _curiosity_ satisfied?"

"My _intellectual interest_ has been satisfied, Doctor." With that, Spock left and the sickbay patients burst out laughing.

"He really fell for it!" snorted Chekov. "I didn't think he would."

"Oh, he fell for it, alright. Whatever possessed you two?" Bones tried to look stern but soon failed, a huge grin spreading over his face.

"I just thought it'd be hilarious," said Scotty. "An' I was right! Now, if only he'll say it to somebody."

"I doubt Spock has enough emotion in him to feel any sort of pride," grumbled Bones.

"Oh, we'll see," said Chekov, a devious grin lighting his face.

~*~

A week later, and Chekov and Scotty were out of the sickbay and just in time. They'd had a dangerous encounter with some Klingon forces that'd required every ounce of skill that Kirk and the crew had to get them safely out of it. Surrounded by enemy ships, he'd been able to negotiate, bluff, and maneuver the Enterprise to safety. After the crises was over, the bridge members had collapsed in relief, slouching in their chairs and drooping with exhaustion.

"Well." Jim groaned, leaning his head on his hand. "Excellent job, everyone. We couldn't have gotten out of that mess without any of you."

"Nor without you," said Spock. "Captain, I was… impressed, by the logic you employed to remove us from the situation."

"Thank you, Mr. Spock," said Jim.

"I have recently learned about an earth expression that conveys very high praise. So if I may… oochie woochie coochie coo, Captain."

Chekov, Scotty, and Bones burst out laughing. The rest of the bridge crew gave Spock very strange looks. Jim himself looked up at his first officer with bewilderment. "Mr. Spock, are you feeling alright?"

"I fail to understand both your amusement and your confusion," said Spock. "I was informed that oochie woochie coochie coo was a rare expression of praise in your culture."

Chekov howled with laughter, nearly tumbling out of his seat. Scotty doubled over and clutched the railing, wiping tears from his eyes. Spock arched an eyebrow. "Clearly, I was misinformed. Captain, would you tell me the true meaning of the phrase?"

Jim started laughing as well. He finally paused for breath and turned back towards Spock. "'Oochie woochie coochie coo is… baby talk. It's a tone that humans use to express… ah… affection for small children. We also do it when we think something's cute."

"I'm not sure I understand. You speak in a juvenile fashion to your young as a way of showing affection?"

"I'm sure you Vulcans just read them a dictionary," muttered McCoy.

"We also tend to do it to small animals," said Jim. "Tribbles, for instance. Anything small or young that we… find cute. You know, have a special affection for."

"Are you implying that I called you… 'cute,' Captain?"

Scotty burst out laughing again, pounding his fist into his leg. "That ye did, lad! I didn't think ye'd take it seriously when I told ye that!"

Soon the entire bridge crew was laughing with him, with the exception of Spock. The Vulcan merely stood there, hands clasped behind his back and one eyebrow raised. Finally, Jim stopped laughing and dried his eyes. "I'm sorry, Spock, there's no need to laugh at you like that. We've all had a long, tiring day and it's a bit of a release."

"Indeed, I can find no logic in the situation."

"Alright, everyone." Jim stood up and looked around at the still hysterical crew. "You're dismissed. I'll get a fresh shift up here. To your quarters, all of you, and get some rest. You've earned it."

The crew filed out, with occasional muffled giggles and whispers of 'oochie woochie coochie coo.' As soon as they were gone, Jim turned to Bones and raised an eyebrow. "Care to explain what that was all about?"

"Scotty and Chekov pulled a prank on him," explained Bones. "I didn't see any harm in it and they were in the sickbay at the time and needed a bit of cheering up, so I let it slide."

Jim laughed again, running a hand down his face. "I needed a laugh like that after a day like today. And I have a feeling this isn't going away anytime soon."

"I have to agree with you, Captain," said Spock.

Much to Spock's chagrin, the suspicion proved correct. Whenever he appeared, there would be muffled snickers and whispers of the dreaded phrase. It finally got so bad that Kirk banned the words oochie woochie coochie coo from the bridge.

Sulu could've sworn he heard Chekov repeatedly muttering it when the Captain wasn't listening, but the young man simply brushed it off as a phrase in Russian, and nobody had any intention of calling him out on it.


End file.
